To Sleep, Perchance to Dream. . .

Hamlet said that once, in his 'To Be or Not to Be' soliloquy. While he was talking about death, I'm talking about sleep. Honest to goodness sleep. And since I haven't been doing that so well lately, my fibro doc wants me to have a sleep test done. At first, I was all about the sleep study. Anything for answers. Plus, when I can and do sleep, I do it well.

That was until I met the neurologist. He's all for the sleep study too. He suspects that when I can't sleep sometimes my brain is actually asleep while I'm awake. It's typical of fibromyalgia. So he's gonna add an extra special test called a nap study. I thought maybe nap was an acronym for some wires they add to my noggin while I sleep. Nope, not so much. They actually want to study me while I nap. Again, at first I thought no big deal. Until they described it in detail.

Tomorrow night (did I mention it was tomorrow?) I show up around 9pm. They show me to my box (yeah, that's what I'm gonna call it from now on) where I can change into my pjs. Well, I'm gonna one-up them and show up in mine because I mean business. I'll get hooked up to all kinds of wires and dohickies and from there they confine me to my box for the night or from whenever they get done til 5am when they wake me up.

Here's where the super-extra fun stuff comes in. My box doesn't have a bathroom. There is a communal uni-sex bathroom that all of us guinea-pigs get to share. Oh yay, who doesn't love sharing a bathroom with strangers while hooked up to machines. Other than that, they want me to stay in the box which is climate and light controlled (for purposes of the test).

Then, every hour-and-a-half they'll make me take a nap. What the fuck?! Are we back in kindergarten? Do I get a snack too? So I get to lay in bed for 20 minutes and if I fall asleep they'll let me sleep for 30 minutes, otherwise I have to lay there for 20 minutes. Then they wake me up and repeat this all day until about 4pm. Let me outline my biggest issues with this whole nap thing:

1.) I do not do well when I'm expected to sleep. The more I feel I need to sleep or that someone wants me to sleep; the less I'm gonna sleep. It's not really out of defiance. . . it's just how I roll.

2.) When I fall asleep, and because it doesn't happen that often that I fall asleep, I don't want to be messed with. So please, if you value your health, don't wake me up!

3.) The only way I can go out into sunlight is if I were a smoker and needed to smoke. So, I think I'm gonna take up smoking tomorrow. Maybe they won't be able to tell if I buy those candy cigarettes. . .

4.) They're going to video tape me sleeping. What if I do something embarrassing like fart really loudly, or have weird movements when I sleep. . .or even if I talk in my sleep?! I don't want that recorded for posterity!

So yeah, I'm gonna be in a room all by myself. And yes, I'll have access to tv and I can take my laptop to do 'work.' Hopefully I can pirate some wireless and I'll bring books and all that stuff. Eddie says to think of it as a business trip where I'm expected to sleep. That's what I'll keep telling myself while I'm stuck in the box.

I think what it all comes down to is that I'll have absolutely no control over anything. Not when I wake up, when I fall back asleep and really when I leave the box. Because in order to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna have to be unhooked and I can't imagine them letting me do it myself. I also don't do well in confined locations either. And this box is small. It's going to be interesting, this study of mine. I hope that I can get right to sleep when I get there. I hope I can be a good nap taker too. And I hope that it goes by quickly. So expect updates of my confinement starting tomorrow night. 'NAP-Gate' starts tomorrow at 9pm.