Sunday, July 25, 2010
Under Construction. . .
. . . making a few changes to the blog. Pardon the construction, hope to have things looking normal in a day or so.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I Spent My Allowance At Perpetual Kid!
I love www.perpetualkid.com. Like borderline obsession. I follow them on Facebook, I follow them on Twitter, I follow them on blip.fm and MySpace (though does anyone really use MySpace anymore?) They've got the coolest stuff (hello, a 5lb gummy bear!!!). So I was super excited when on Tuesday I had gotten a message on Facebook saying I was the lucky winner on Monday in one of their 'Awesome 80's Band Tournament' and that I was the proud recipient of a Gift Certificate for $19.80.
Let me tell you what makes Perpetual Kid rock. It's not just the awesome gadgets and goodies you can buy on the website. I mean, who doesn't want bacon lip balm, inflatable meatloaf or Lego silverware?! I literally want everything Perpetual Kid sells. (hint hint!) What I really love is they interact with their customers and you know you're talking to a real person and not some robot (though I suspect that they do employ robots too). Heck, they've got a crew of fingermonsters working in the warehouse.
What tops it all off is each order comes with something extra. A hitchiker! You never know which one is going to stow away in your order but it makes waiting for your order all that more exciting. Oh, and did I mention that those fingermonsters work fast? And for peanuts - no really, they work for all the packing peanuts they can eat! I placed my order late Tuesday night, like almost midnight late. By Wednesday I had an email letting me know that my order had shipped and by Friday (today!) I had my order waiting for me with email confirmation of delivery. How awesome is that?
I do a lot of online ordering and I hate not knowing where my stuff is. I have never once (and I have ordered a lot from PK!) not known where my order was - even those not going to my own house. There aren't too many companies out there that do that any more. You really do feel special when you shop at Perpetual Kid!
Oh, and what did I buy you ask? I got the super awesome Eco Coffee Cup http://www.perpetualkid.com/eco-coffee-cup.aspx and the equally awesome Eco Cold Drink Cup: http://www.perpetualkid.com/eco-cold-drink-cup.aspx So super excited to use them both AND save the planet at the same time. Oh, and you really should think about adopting your own pod of fingermonsters: http://www.perpetualkid.com/finger-monsters.aspx or just collect them all!
It was the perfect way to start my weekend!
***i did not get paid to endorse this nor am i being held captive by a hoarde of fingermonsters (help!)***
Let me tell you what makes Perpetual Kid rock. It's not just the awesome gadgets and goodies you can buy on the website. I mean, who doesn't want bacon lip balm, inflatable meatloaf or Lego silverware?! I literally want everything Perpetual Kid sells. (hint hint!) What I really love is they interact with their customers and you know you're talking to a real person and not some robot (though I suspect that they do employ robots too). Heck, they've got a crew of fingermonsters working in the warehouse.
What tops it all off is each order comes with something extra. A hitchiker! You never know which one is going to stow away in your order but it makes waiting for your order all that more exciting. Oh, and did I mention that those fingermonsters work fast? And for peanuts - no really, they work for all the packing peanuts they can eat! I placed my order late Tuesday night, like almost midnight late. By Wednesday I had an email letting me know that my order had shipped and by Friday (today!) I had my order waiting for me with email confirmation of delivery. How awesome is that?
I do a lot of online ordering and I hate not knowing where my stuff is. I have never once (and I have ordered a lot from PK!) not known where my order was - even those not going to my own house. There aren't too many companies out there that do that any more. You really do feel special when you shop at Perpetual Kid!
Oh, and what did I buy you ask? I got the super awesome Eco Coffee Cup http://www.perpetualkid.com/eco-coffee-cup.aspx and the equally awesome Eco Cold Drink Cup: http://www.perpetualkid.com/eco-cold-drink-cup.aspx So super excited to use them both AND save the planet at the same time. Oh, and you really should think about adopting your own pod of fingermonsters: http://www.perpetualkid.com/finger-monsters.aspx or just collect them all!
It was the perfect way to start my weekend!
***i did not get paid to endorse this nor am i being held captive by a hoarde of fingermonsters (help!)***
Monday, July 19, 2010
The Fix
I think I understand, to an extent, what it's like to be an addict. That need for the next fix, the familiar ritual and the feeling you get when you've finally gotten it and what you're about to experience. ::Allyson Stands Up:: 'Hi, my name is Allyson and I'm addicted to reading books.'
It's 2:15am and I just completed my most recent book. I won't bore you with the title, it's by an author who with other authors co-writing his crime drama books with him has been mass-producing books every month or so it seems. Nothing noteworthy. What's the bother is that it's now 2:16 am and I don't have a book in the ques to read next. No worries, I've got tons of books that I've already read just waiting for me to revisit them like a familiar friend. They'll do in a pinch.
What's gotten under my skin is that I want a new book to read. One that I've never touched before. I want to bring it home, crack open the spine and hear the pages as they skim through my fingers. I want to see the nice little letters all dressed in black and in nice neat lines like little soldiers of words, ready to go into my head at my command. Like any good junkie will do, there's the smell of the product that just hits home and makes the experience so much more enjoyable. There is nothing like the crack of the spine in a new book when you smell the binding glue, the smell and the feel of the pages. Older books are so much more better, they creak and crackle like the joints of an elder would. Their pages once so bright have weathered to shades of ochre and amber and are dry and a bit musty. They smell of dust and of the homes they once belonged to. Those books, those are the true joys. Those are the loved books.
Don't get me wrong, I won't read just anything for the sake of reading or because it's an old frail book. It's about consumption of the book that's just as important to the process and experience as any other, does the book and characters draw me in, do they feel real? When I'm so drawn into a book that when you stop reading and you come out of the book, real life seems a little bit more bright and more harsh than when you left it. The world could literally and figuratively crash around me when I'm reading and I would pay no mind and be content to be left completely alone as I were. Those are the good books.
By far, one of my favorite things to do with a new book as I crawl into bed is to crack the spine in preparation for reading. It's something I do not do until the book is mine. In fact, I have been known to return books to the shelves whose readers have cracked the spine already mid-browse. You know, there are ways of skimming books without cracking the spine. Once I'm settled into bed, usually with a snack, some hot tea, one or two cats depending on their mood and a comfy blanket or at least a piece of that comfy blanket - the amount to be determined by the one or two cats, depending on their mood. It's the perfect set up. It calms and settles me. The world around me, for now, can wash away and I can get lost in someone else's story.
So here's the rub, dear readers as it approaches 2:35am, I have that twitch that only a new book will fill. Sure, cracking open a familiar story still has those tactile senses that I oh so look forward to, but there's nothing like a brand new book that belongs to you. I read like some people breathe, so stale air while sometimes is sustainable, is nothing like the real thing. Fortunately for me, perhaps unfortunately for Eddie we are picking up my nephews at Borders tomorrow.
Already my body is a buzz. Books! I just need one. And lucky me, my iPhone JUST uploaded a Border's rewards coupon for 40% off of my next purchase. 40% people, you can't argue that and I promise you I'll find a book that will fit in quite fine with the rest of my collections. My mind can slow down from the day and focus on the army of words meant to remove me from the sometimes overwhelming unnecessary crap of life these days. And like water, I've found one more tangible thing that restores my soul.
It's 2:15am and I just completed my most recent book. I won't bore you with the title, it's by an author who with other authors co-writing his crime drama books with him has been mass-producing books every month or so it seems. Nothing noteworthy. What's the bother is that it's now 2:16 am and I don't have a book in the ques to read next. No worries, I've got tons of books that I've already read just waiting for me to revisit them like a familiar friend. They'll do in a pinch.
What's gotten under my skin is that I want a new book to read. One that I've never touched before. I want to bring it home, crack open the spine and hear the pages as they skim through my fingers. I want to see the nice little letters all dressed in black and in nice neat lines like little soldiers of words, ready to go into my head at my command. Like any good junkie will do, there's the smell of the product that just hits home and makes the experience so much more enjoyable. There is nothing like the crack of the spine in a new book when you smell the binding glue, the smell and the feel of the pages. Older books are so much more better, they creak and crackle like the joints of an elder would. Their pages once so bright have weathered to shades of ochre and amber and are dry and a bit musty. They smell of dust and of the homes they once belonged to. Those books, those are the true joys. Those are the loved books.
Don't get me wrong, I won't read just anything for the sake of reading or because it's an old frail book. It's about consumption of the book that's just as important to the process and experience as any other, does the book and characters draw me in, do they feel real? When I'm so drawn into a book that when you stop reading and you come out of the book, real life seems a little bit more bright and more harsh than when you left it. The world could literally and figuratively crash around me when I'm reading and I would pay no mind and be content to be left completely alone as I were. Those are the good books.
By far, one of my favorite things to do with a new book as I crawl into bed is to crack the spine in preparation for reading. It's something I do not do until the book is mine. In fact, I have been known to return books to the shelves whose readers have cracked the spine already mid-browse. You know, there are ways of skimming books without cracking the spine. Once I'm settled into bed, usually with a snack, some hot tea, one or two cats depending on their mood and a comfy blanket or at least a piece of that comfy blanket - the amount to be determined by the one or two cats, depending on their mood. It's the perfect set up. It calms and settles me. The world around me, for now, can wash away and I can get lost in someone else's story.
So here's the rub, dear readers as it approaches 2:35am, I have that twitch that only a new book will fill. Sure, cracking open a familiar story still has those tactile senses that I oh so look forward to, but there's nothing like a brand new book that belongs to you. I read like some people breathe, so stale air while sometimes is sustainable, is nothing like the real thing. Fortunately for me, perhaps unfortunately for Eddie we are picking up my nephews at Borders tomorrow.
Already my body is a buzz. Books! I just need one. And lucky me, my iPhone JUST uploaded a Border's rewards coupon for 40% off of my next purchase. 40% people, you can't argue that and I promise you I'll find a book that will fit in quite fine with the rest of my collections. My mind can slow down from the day and focus on the army of words meant to remove me from the sometimes overwhelming unnecessary crap of life these days. And like water, I've found one more tangible thing that restores my soul.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Ink
I was reading this really awesome blog (Hi Amy!!) and came upon a post she had made regarding tattoos and the indescribable want to have one. She, like me, has had a long-standing relationship between the want/need to have a tattoo and real life getting in the way sometimes. Not only that, but she's got a wicked cool sense of humor and is just down-right awesome so go, run. . .follow her blog! www.accidentalmusings.com <---on a side note, how do I get this link clickable?
I've always wanted to get something meaningful and 'deep' and something that spoke to who I really was deep down inside. Back in my early twenties and even a bit in my teens it was because I wanted to appear 'hip' or cool even. I played around with the idea of a flower, frog, butterfly or some kind of smiling thing (yes, roll your eyes, back then flowers, butterflies and frogs even were 'deep' for me in that hippie kinda way). It was always lack of funds (or even at first parental consent) that kept me from getting inked.
It got to be that whatever reason kept me from actually getting the ink actually talked me out of doing it all together when I did have the money. Then it became a thing of pain. I don't like needles and I don't like pain. In fact, I live a good deal of my life in it so I try to avoid needless pain whenever I can. But every so often the thought of actually getting a tattoo creeps back into my thoughts and I start the inner dialogue of going through with it.
Thankfully, my tastes have advanced in terms of what I want to get put on my body permanently. I've tried to have a zen/Buddhist approach to my life as I've gotten older and dealt with issues more pressing than what party to go to or who said what about who. Let's face it, since my teens and early twenties I've been through more than most people go through a lifetime. I'd really like something to remind me to breathe and take a step back and look, listen, absorb before reacting.
I mean, breathe, right. . . the Chinese Symbol for breathe. What better reminder than that? But my irrational inner voice tells me 'But Allyson, what if they tell you it's breathe but it really means something like Kung Pao Chicken?. Then they're all going to laugh at you.' So the inner-voice talked me out of that idea. So lately I've been toying around with the Buddhist symbol 'om'. Basically the same premise as the Chinese symbol for breathe and is a common chant when centering ones self during meditation. I am presently debating if I want to add the lotus with the symbol. Though I suspect maybe this is another stall tactic that I'm doing to avoid the pain. I mean. . .I could just get OM then add the lotus if I felt so inclined.
So Amy, an open invitation: if you're ever in my area of PA or if I'm ever in your neck of the woods in MD, come drag my ass out and we'll get inked together. =)
I've always wanted to get something meaningful and 'deep' and something that spoke to who I really was deep down inside. Back in my early twenties and even a bit in my teens it was because I wanted to appear 'hip' or cool even. I played around with the idea of a flower, frog, butterfly or some kind of smiling thing (yes, roll your eyes, back then flowers, butterflies and frogs even were 'deep' for me in that hippie kinda way). It was always lack of funds (or even at first parental consent) that kept me from getting inked.
It got to be that whatever reason kept me from actually getting the ink actually talked me out of doing it all together when I did have the money. Then it became a thing of pain. I don't like needles and I don't like pain. In fact, I live a good deal of my life in it so I try to avoid needless pain whenever I can. But every so often the thought of actually getting a tattoo creeps back into my thoughts and I start the inner dialogue of going through with it.
Thankfully, my tastes have advanced in terms of what I want to get put on my body permanently. I've tried to have a zen/Buddhist approach to my life as I've gotten older and dealt with issues more pressing than what party to go to or who said what about who. Let's face it, since my teens and early twenties I've been through more than most people go through a lifetime. I'd really like something to remind me to breathe and take a step back and look, listen, absorb before reacting.
I mean, breathe, right. . . the Chinese Symbol for breathe. What better reminder than that? But my irrational inner voice tells me 'But Allyson, what if they tell you it's breathe but it really means something like Kung Pao Chicken?. Then they're all going to laugh at you.' So the inner-voice talked me out of that idea. So lately I've been toying around with the Buddhist symbol 'om'. Basically the same premise as the Chinese symbol for breathe and is a common chant when centering ones self during meditation. I am presently debating if I want to add the lotus with the symbol. Though I suspect maybe this is another stall tactic that I'm doing to avoid the pain. I mean. . .I could just get OM then add the lotus if I felt so inclined.
So Amy, an open invitation: if you're ever in my area of PA or if I'm ever in your neck of the woods in MD, come drag my ass out and we'll get inked together. =)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Sleep Study
So as much as I complained and said 'I'm not going', I went and had the sleep study done. It's over, I'm alive and relatively unscathed. However, I'm thinking I really should have just stayed home and rescheduled. Something didn't feel right when I met with the doc the first time and I'm usually right on when it comes to my gut reaction.
I guess the first incling that something wasn't right was how quick my meeting was with the neurologist and how disinterested he was in my response. Though I was relatively calmed down when he said that 'the good news is, you don't have narcolepsy. you're not falling asleep when you drive or at the movies. that's a good thing.' Woohoo, I got a good report. However, when he asked me questions, he just didn't seem too interested in my response. Like the fact that I flat out told him repeatedly that I only have trouble sleeping when I'm in pain and that the less I sleep the more pain I'm in, the more pain I'm in the less I sleep.
And he really didn't seem to be interested when I told him that I know there are several nights that I just stay awake reading because I know that I've got nothing going on the next day. So if I happen to sleep until oh, say, noon that it doesn't matter. I did let him know that there are days when my fibro is just all wonky and I'm awake and that on those days I'm tired during the daytime too. But it's part of the disease. He just didn't seem to like that everything had an explanation. And I get it, lets have the test just to rule things out.
I was never opposed to the sleep study. I had issue after the appointment when he said (and might I add AFTER looking at and verifying my insurance info again) 'yeah, we'll add this nap test too' and walked out the door. I was left with his tech staff to show me the facilities so I knew where I was going and what to expect on THE day. So the other thing that got my 'ally-senses' all a tingle was when I asked the tech, who couldn't speak or understand English all that much why I needed the nap test and what it was. All she could say was 'you just do.'
OK. . . maybe it was lost in translation. So I try my best to quiet that little inner voice that was getting louder by the day. I kept saying, it's one day, it's no big deal, you've got tv, internet and you'll be sleeping, how hard can that be? So I arrive to the brand new building on the night of my test with my overnight bag, my laptop and some water and snacks (they encouraged packing food). It was the first of several days that were in the triple digits so I was very glad that I was going to be in, as they promised, my own individual climate controlled room, I can't sleep if it's hot.
Had I known that their idea of individual climate control was a fan on a stand and that their AC unit wasn't working, I'd have waited until things got fixed or had gone to a different office for the test. If they want me to sleep, I can't do it when I'm uncomfortable. However, I told myself that this was like a band-aid. I just had to get it over with. Besides, it always gets cooler overnight, it can't be that bad. If only I was prepared for what to come. Rather than write it all out, I'll list what exactly went wrong once they started putting on those thingamabobs to read my brain.
1.) No internet. Tech, who like tech on first office visit and all office staff, is from Russia and speaks very little English. She tells me that she called the office manager about the problem and that the office manager will give it to me tomorrow. Whatever, I was getting ready to sleep, as long as I had it by the next day when I was confined to the box, I'd be ok.
2.) There's a train. It is a parking-lot depth from the building. A BRAND NEW building. It runs by every half-hour. It shakes the building and it's loud. WHO puts a sleep study office a 'peaceful and tranquil sleep environment' <--their words not mine, RIGHT BESIDE A TRAIN?!
3.) The building is underneath the flight path for the helivac for the Berks and Lehigh Valley so every medical evacuation that required helicopters flew RIGHT over the building.
4.) It was soo hot that the little dohickeys kept MELTING off of my head not only pushing back the time that it took to do each nap test but disrupted my sleep at night. It was also so hot that the machines that were hooked up to my dohickeys were overheating. It was so hot that I had to change rooms because the machinery in my first room overheated too much.
5.) The internet was not fixed. After 3 weeks of being in their brand new office their phones and internet still did not work. So if your AC, phones and internet don't work - why the hell are you in your new office? How can you run your business?
6.) Thankfully, I had internet on my iPhone. So I looked up what exactly a nap study was because they still wouldn't tell me what it was and why I needed it. They also wouldn't get a doctor to come in and explain it to me either, even though I saw not only MY doctor but the other doctor in the practice as he walked down the hallway. A nap test determines if a patient has narcolepsy. WAIT, say what?! Remember that discussion that I had with the neurologist when I was at the first office visit. He flat out told me that I don't have narcolepsy. So why then, am I getting tested for it? Wonder if that has anything to do with that verification of my insurance that he did before he walked out the door. . .
What really bothers me, is not the fact that it was near impossible to sleep, that it was way too hot and that they flat out lied about the peaceful environment with internet and climate controlled rooms. What bothers me is the fact that as a patient, I had questions, regardless of how stupid they thought they were. They could have answered them and if they couldn't, they should have found someone that could. That fact alone was what had me sitting in a box of a room near panic attack. I don't like being told 'just because.' Especially when it involves my health. I mean, just because my insurance covers amputations doesn't mean I'm going to go to the hospital and just have them start whacking away at my limbs 'just because'.
I felt taken advantage of. So needless to say, I am not going back to this particular office for the results of this test. And I sure as hell am not going back if I need to have another one done because of any malfunction of the equipment because of the heat. There are other specialists who work at the hospital and even in King of Prussia that I would gladly go to. I have no aversion to the test(s) itself. I should have taken the clues at the first visit when the doc was too busy and disinterested in what I was saying that I should have asked about other options.
It was a calamity of events, and seemingly only something that would happen to me. I tend to have the luck of a series of unfortunate events that follow me around. I either go big or don't go at all when it comes to these kinds of situations. Lesson learned, I've got to listen to what my 'ally-senses' are telling me and just go with that initial gut instinct. Hopefully there was something to learn from this experience. Maybe they found something that will help with the FM or nothing at all and this was just one more thing to rule out. Either way, there has to be some good from the bad.
I guess the first incling that something wasn't right was how quick my meeting was with the neurologist and how disinterested he was in my response. Though I was relatively calmed down when he said that 'the good news is, you don't have narcolepsy. you're not falling asleep when you drive or at the movies. that's a good thing.' Woohoo, I got a good report. However, when he asked me questions, he just didn't seem too interested in my response. Like the fact that I flat out told him repeatedly that I only have trouble sleeping when I'm in pain and that the less I sleep the more pain I'm in, the more pain I'm in the less I sleep.
And he really didn't seem to be interested when I told him that I know there are several nights that I just stay awake reading because I know that I've got nothing going on the next day. So if I happen to sleep until oh, say, noon that it doesn't matter. I did let him know that there are days when my fibro is just all wonky and I'm awake and that on those days I'm tired during the daytime too. But it's part of the disease. He just didn't seem to like that everything had an explanation. And I get it, lets have the test just to rule things out.
I was never opposed to the sleep study. I had issue after the appointment when he said (and might I add AFTER looking at and verifying my insurance info again) 'yeah, we'll add this nap test too' and walked out the door. I was left with his tech staff to show me the facilities so I knew where I was going and what to expect on THE day. So the other thing that got my 'ally-senses' all a tingle was when I asked the tech, who couldn't speak or understand English all that much why I needed the nap test and what it was. All she could say was 'you just do.'
OK. . . maybe it was lost in translation. So I try my best to quiet that little inner voice that was getting louder by the day. I kept saying, it's one day, it's no big deal, you've got tv, internet and you'll be sleeping, how hard can that be? So I arrive to the brand new building on the night of my test with my overnight bag, my laptop and some water and snacks (they encouraged packing food). It was the first of several days that were in the triple digits so I was very glad that I was going to be in, as they promised, my own individual climate controlled room, I can't sleep if it's hot.
Had I known that their idea of individual climate control was a fan on a stand and that their AC unit wasn't working, I'd have waited until things got fixed or had gone to a different office for the test. If they want me to sleep, I can't do it when I'm uncomfortable. However, I told myself that this was like a band-aid. I just had to get it over with. Besides, it always gets cooler overnight, it can't be that bad. If only I was prepared for what to come. Rather than write it all out, I'll list what exactly went wrong once they started putting on those thingamabobs to read my brain.
1.) No internet. Tech, who like tech on first office visit and all office staff, is from Russia and speaks very little English. She tells me that she called the office manager about the problem and that the office manager will give it to me tomorrow. Whatever, I was getting ready to sleep, as long as I had it by the next day when I was confined to the box, I'd be ok.
2.) There's a train. It is a parking-lot depth from the building. A BRAND NEW building. It runs by every half-hour. It shakes the building and it's loud. WHO puts a sleep study office a 'peaceful and tranquil sleep environment' <--their words not mine, RIGHT BESIDE A TRAIN?!
3.) The building is underneath the flight path for the helivac for the Berks and Lehigh Valley so every medical evacuation that required helicopters flew RIGHT over the building.
4.) It was soo hot that the little dohickeys kept MELTING off of my head not only pushing back the time that it took to do each nap test but disrupted my sleep at night. It was also so hot that the machines that were hooked up to my dohickeys were overheating. It was so hot that I had to change rooms because the machinery in my first room overheated too much.
5.) The internet was not fixed. After 3 weeks of being in their brand new office their phones and internet still did not work. So if your AC, phones and internet don't work - why the hell are you in your new office? How can you run your business?
6.) Thankfully, I had internet on my iPhone. So I looked up what exactly a nap study was because they still wouldn't tell me what it was and why I needed it. They also wouldn't get a doctor to come in and explain it to me either, even though I saw not only MY doctor but the other doctor in the practice as he walked down the hallway. A nap test determines if a patient has narcolepsy. WAIT, say what?! Remember that discussion that I had with the neurologist when I was at the first office visit. He flat out told me that I don't have narcolepsy. So why then, am I getting tested for it? Wonder if that has anything to do with that verification of my insurance that he did before he walked out the door. . .
What really bothers me, is not the fact that it was near impossible to sleep, that it was way too hot and that they flat out lied about the peaceful environment with internet and climate controlled rooms. What bothers me is the fact that as a patient, I had questions, regardless of how stupid they thought they were. They could have answered them and if they couldn't, they should have found someone that could. That fact alone was what had me sitting in a box of a room near panic attack. I don't like being told 'just because.' Especially when it involves my health. I mean, just because my insurance covers amputations doesn't mean I'm going to go to the hospital and just have them start whacking away at my limbs 'just because'.
I felt taken advantage of. So needless to say, I am not going back to this particular office for the results of this test. And I sure as hell am not going back if I need to have another one done because of any malfunction of the equipment because of the heat. There are other specialists who work at the hospital and even in King of Prussia that I would gladly go to. I have no aversion to the test(s) itself. I should have taken the clues at the first visit when the doc was too busy and disinterested in what I was saying that I should have asked about other options.
It was a calamity of events, and seemingly only something that would happen to me. I tend to have the luck of a series of unfortunate events that follow me around. I either go big or don't go at all when it comes to these kinds of situations. Lesson learned, I've got to listen to what my 'ally-senses' are telling me and just go with that initial gut instinct. Hopefully there was something to learn from this experience. Maybe they found something that will help with the FM or nothing at all and this was just one more thing to rule out. Either way, there has to be some good from the bad.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream. . .
Hamlet said that once, in his 'To Be or Not to Be' soliloquy. While he was talking about death, I'm talking about sleep. Honest to goodness sleep. And since I haven't been doing that so well lately, my fibro doc wants me to have a sleep test done. At first, I was all about the sleep study. Anything for answers. Plus, when I can and do sleep, I do it well.
That was until I met the neurologist. He's all for the sleep study too. He suspects that when I can't sleep sometimes my brain is actually asleep while I'm awake. It's typical of fibromyalgia. So he's gonna add an extra special test called a nap study. I thought maybe nap was an acronym for some wires they add to my noggin while I sleep. Nope, not so much. They actually want to study me while I nap. Again, at first I thought no big deal. Until they described it in detail.
Tomorrow night (did I mention it was tomorrow?) I show up around 9pm. They show me to my box (yeah, that's what I'm gonna call it from now on) where I can change into my pjs. Well, I'm gonna one-up them and show up in mine because I mean business. I'll get hooked up to all kinds of wires and dohickies and from there they confine me to my box for the night or from whenever they get done til 5am when they wake me up.
Here's where the super-extra fun stuff comes in. My box doesn't have a bathroom. There is a communal uni-sex bathroom that all of us guinea-pigs get to share. Oh yay, who doesn't love sharing a bathroom with strangers while hooked up to machines. Other than that, they want me to stay in the box which is climate and light controlled (for purposes of the test).
Then, every hour-and-a-half they'll make me take a nap. What the fuck?! Are we back in kindergarten? Do I get a snack too? So I get to lay in bed for 20 minutes and if I fall asleep they'll let me sleep for 30 minutes, otherwise I have to lay there for 20 minutes. Then they wake me up and repeat this all day until about 4pm. Let me outline my biggest issues with this whole nap thing:
1.) I do not do well when I'm expected to sleep. The more I feel I need to sleep or that someone wants me to sleep; the less I'm gonna sleep. It's not really out of defiance. . . it's just how I roll.
2.) When I fall asleep, and because it doesn't happen that often that I fall asleep, I don't want to be messed with. So please, if you value your health, don't wake me up!
3.) The only way I can go out into sunlight is if I were a smoker and needed to smoke. So, I think I'm gonna take up smoking tomorrow. Maybe they won't be able to tell if I buy those candy cigarettes. . .
4.) They're going to video tape me sleeping. What if I do something embarrassing like fart really loudly, or have weird movements when I sleep. . .or even if I talk in my sleep?! I don't want that recorded for posterity!
So yeah, I'm gonna be in a room all by myself. And yes, I'll have access to tv and I can take my laptop to do 'work.' Hopefully I can pirate some wireless and I'll bring books and all that stuff. Eddie says to think of it as a business trip where I'm expected to sleep. That's what I'll keep telling myself while I'm stuck in the box.
I think what it all comes down to is that I'll have absolutely no control over anything. Not when I wake up, when I fall back asleep and really when I leave the box. Because in order to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna have to be unhooked and I can't imagine them letting me do it myself. I also don't do well in confined locations either. And this box is small. It's going to be interesting, this study of mine. I hope that I can get right to sleep when I get there. I hope I can be a good nap taker too. And I hope that it goes by quickly. So expect updates of my confinement starting tomorrow night. 'NAP-Gate' starts tomorrow at 9pm.
That was until I met the neurologist. He's all for the sleep study too. He suspects that when I can't sleep sometimes my brain is actually asleep while I'm awake. It's typical of fibromyalgia. So he's gonna add an extra special test called a nap study. I thought maybe nap was an acronym for some wires they add to my noggin while I sleep. Nope, not so much. They actually want to study me while I nap. Again, at first I thought no big deal. Until they described it in detail.
Tomorrow night (did I mention it was tomorrow?) I show up around 9pm. They show me to my box (yeah, that's what I'm gonna call it from now on) where I can change into my pjs. Well, I'm gonna one-up them and show up in mine because I mean business. I'll get hooked up to all kinds of wires and dohickies and from there they confine me to my box for the night or from whenever they get done til 5am when they wake me up.
Here's where the super-extra fun stuff comes in. My box doesn't have a bathroom. There is a communal uni-sex bathroom that all of us guinea-pigs get to share. Oh yay, who doesn't love sharing a bathroom with strangers while hooked up to machines. Other than that, they want me to stay in the box which is climate and light controlled (for purposes of the test).
Then, every hour-and-a-half they'll make me take a nap. What the fuck?! Are we back in kindergarten? Do I get a snack too? So I get to lay in bed for 20 minutes and if I fall asleep they'll let me sleep for 30 minutes, otherwise I have to lay there for 20 minutes. Then they wake me up and repeat this all day until about 4pm. Let me outline my biggest issues with this whole nap thing:
1.) I do not do well when I'm expected to sleep. The more I feel I need to sleep or that someone wants me to sleep; the less I'm gonna sleep. It's not really out of defiance. . . it's just how I roll.
2.) When I fall asleep, and because it doesn't happen that often that I fall asleep, I don't want to be messed with. So please, if you value your health, don't wake me up!
3.) The only way I can go out into sunlight is if I were a smoker and needed to smoke. So, I think I'm gonna take up smoking tomorrow. Maybe they won't be able to tell if I buy those candy cigarettes. . .
4.) They're going to video tape me sleeping. What if I do something embarrassing like fart really loudly, or have weird movements when I sleep. . .or even if I talk in my sleep?! I don't want that recorded for posterity!
So yeah, I'm gonna be in a room all by myself. And yes, I'll have access to tv and I can take my laptop to do 'work.' Hopefully I can pirate some wireless and I'll bring books and all that stuff. Eddie says to think of it as a business trip where I'm expected to sleep. That's what I'll keep telling myself while I'm stuck in the box.
I think what it all comes down to is that I'll have absolutely no control over anything. Not when I wake up, when I fall back asleep and really when I leave the box. Because in order to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna have to be unhooked and I can't imagine them letting me do it myself. I also don't do well in confined locations either. And this box is small. It's going to be interesting, this study of mine. I hope that I can get right to sleep when I get there. I hope I can be a good nap taker too. And I hope that it goes by quickly. So expect updates of my confinement starting tomorrow night. 'NAP-Gate' starts tomorrow at 9pm.
Weekend Update
It's been awhile since my last post. I've just been kinda sitting back and letting everything sit in and get situated before I posted. And I'm not sure if I've quite digested everything because it was a lot in one weekend. I guess I'll start at the beginning, it's always the best place to start anyways. . .
We all know I wrote my dad a letter that was 16 years in the making. I said things that I wasn't able to say for whatever reason there was at the time. As soon as my dad got the letter he called (time frame: letter goes into mail in PA on Sunday arrives in NY Wed) and by Thursday we had made plans for dad to stay at my house for the weekend.
It was a lot to absorb in a quick amount of time. I shouldn't have questioned that he wasn't going to react as quickly as he did, and I'm glad he did. Talking when things are fresh in your head is a good thing. I think had we waited any longer what was important and what was on my mind at that time would have been forgotten or put into my memory for another time.
Again, I find myself unable to put into words the exact feeling I'm feeling. What I learned was that both my dad and I tend to just wait for things to happen rather than acting/reacting right away. We both tend to take the path of least-resistance when it comes to maintaining this relationship. It's a very cautious relationship. In part because I didn't have my 'voice' until now. I couldn't tell him what it felt like up until now because I didn't recognize it up until now.
I just know that I should have been more vocal in the past and that I should have told him what was going on before now. We can't change the past. The weekend was good. We talked a lot, I learned a lot about him but also my family and where I come from. More importantly, Eddie got to spend time talking to my dad one-on-one. They never really had that opportunity before.
We both know that it's going to take effort going forward. That we've got to be more active in keeping each other updated on what's going on in our lives. More importantly, we're going to spend more time together. Whether we meet half-way for the weekend or we go between each other's houses, we'll be spending more time together. I feel like a 100 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I've said my peace and it's been heard. There is only forward now.
We all know I wrote my dad a letter that was 16 years in the making. I said things that I wasn't able to say for whatever reason there was at the time. As soon as my dad got the letter he called (time frame: letter goes into mail in PA on Sunday arrives in NY Wed) and by Thursday we had made plans for dad to stay at my house for the weekend.
It was a lot to absorb in a quick amount of time. I shouldn't have questioned that he wasn't going to react as quickly as he did, and I'm glad he did. Talking when things are fresh in your head is a good thing. I think had we waited any longer what was important and what was on my mind at that time would have been forgotten or put into my memory for another time.
Again, I find myself unable to put into words the exact feeling I'm feeling. What I learned was that both my dad and I tend to just wait for things to happen rather than acting/reacting right away. We both tend to take the path of least-resistance when it comes to maintaining this relationship. It's a very cautious relationship. In part because I didn't have my 'voice' until now. I couldn't tell him what it felt like up until now because I didn't recognize it up until now.
I just know that I should have been more vocal in the past and that I should have told him what was going on before now. We can't change the past. The weekend was good. We talked a lot, I learned a lot about him but also my family and where I come from. More importantly, Eddie got to spend time talking to my dad one-on-one. They never really had that opportunity before.
We both know that it's going to take effort going forward. That we've got to be more active in keeping each other updated on what's going on in our lives. More importantly, we're going to spend more time together. Whether we meet half-way for the weekend or we go between each other's houses, we'll be spending more time together. I feel like a 100 ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I've said my peace and it's been heard. There is only forward now.
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