It will get better. . .

At least, that's what Eddie tells me. I wish I was able to spring back like he did all these years ago. I guess the loss of a child is different for each parent. Eddie, who is so stoic can even come across as unphased. Me, broken into a million shards still not put back together correctly. I'm not getting any younger, as I've been told by family.

So I agree with Eddie. A compromise. We'll try. But we'll consider adoption as well. . . just in case. I worry that though I agree to try my body, or I suppose my mind, is still protesting. Something stressful as starting a family is one million times harder when you couldn't do it right the first time. (I know. . .knock it off, I have to quit blaming myself.)The more I think about it the more objections I come up with.

There's probably going to be some future posts because lets face it, I've got to get rid of these thoughts somehow. I'm trying so hard to be zen about this. I really don't want to make this entire blog about this sudden about face (though I suppose in my head it's not so sudden.) But there will probably be an occasional post, you know, just to keep my sanity. And please, feel free to derail those negative/scared posts if you catch them. Letting go is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I've done a good job of not letting go for many many years. Letting go doesn't mean not loving and I have to remind myself of that every day.